So True

Here I sit in my immaculate tower of nerditude, AKA my bedroom in my parent’s apartment (Yeah, I’m that mother-f***ing cool). Obviously I’m drinking apple juice, blaring Pandora radio with songs such as; I belive in a thing called love and err song ever written by Tom Petty. All whilst simultaneously playing MTGO, WoW, reading a book, piercing my own man bits, and having sex with the ladies. Many many ladies.

You may be asking yourself “Self? Yes other-self? How do I become as insanely awesome as the mother flippin’ Imaginary Beast himself?”

Well, If your other-self is any kind of man at all, he will know there is no way in hell your non-backpack jamming ass can compare to the Big Daddy Dutch.

However, you can become less pathetic by following these simple rules.

RULE #1 Move in with your parents. The ladies love it, and will be all over your nuts faster than you can shave a person with alopecia.

RULE #2 Never sleep with a man, unless he’s paying you well. Women apparently don’t like it when you have sex with other dudes.

RULE #3 Whenever possible mention how much better of a Pokemon trainer you are than everyone else. This really should be obvious.

RULE #4 Wear a utility belt at all times. You never know when you’re going to have to bear mace a bitch.

RULE #5 Don’t let Harry-Pizzle take pictures of you. They all make you look like shit, and he has his way with them in the most horrendous of ways.

RULE #6 Take up a manly hobby. Such as; alligator wrestling, pimping, or boning Harry Potter’s mom.

Follow these simple rules, and you still won’t be nearly as awesome as me, but you won’t be such a damn vag anymore.

DutchRudder666i out.

When the power goes out...

What the F*ck is all this stuff on my computer?

So my power went out… I didn’t notice at first what with back-packin darkness I maintain while boldly exploring the dirty dirty depths of the interwebs. At the time I was rocking my lappy –top (It’s name is McGrubber, but that’s a different story), so battery pops in all like WHAT BIOTCH!!!

At least I have a good 2+ hours on this baby to surf the web. 0.002 seconds later my hand bitch slapped my face for my ignorance. No power. No modem, router, internets; none of em.

Crap was all I could think as the world sunk in on me. Thankfully I remembered my massive stash of all goodness. And I’m not talking about porn here (though there is a considerable amount). For the past three years I have kept a running archive of all that is the net. Thanks to a few nympho sexy add-ons I have ripped every video, copied every picture, and stored every article that titillated my very average testis.

My computers (all three of em) and my terabyte external hard drive are packed to the brim with god knows what. The story in this you ask? I can forget things faster than I can pick up a Norwegian transvestite prostitute (PRETTY DAMN FAST).

So here I sit basking in the glowing glorious screen, scanning libraries of information wondering what the heck is wrong with me.

Did I really need to have 150++ Philosaraptor quote picks?

What about a 1.4 gig file of videos and picks of little kids and animals getting high?

Conspiracy theories about an underground gay mafia? I got em. (I like to call them the pink pistols)

Am I the only person with a file titled “Things to use to spam and piss people off”?

I even keep several different files of Zombie Abraham Lincoln pics (one for each level of decay)

And what about this…

(I most defiantly don’t have the rights to this pic)

I think I might have a problem my fellow grinders. I’m hitting the delete key on this nonsense.

Things that are important about important things

Pugilism

The ancient art of ass kicking. An art that can only be mastered by those of us with the balls of metal, or diamond for those who are truly hard core. Or as a great man once said, “Umph,” after I pugilised his face off.

Now not all people are as gifted as I in the ancient art. So here is a basic guide of how to ass kick, and void an ass kicking.

1. Punching some one in the balls is OK, if it hurts them they were weak and deserve it for not being strong, if it doesn't then you're in for an even fight, because his balls are as hard as yours. If you happen to run into a brawling lady, then feel free to use the female version of said tactic which is the cunt punt.

2. If you aren't drunk then you're obviously not as prepared as you should be. My rule of thumb is that if you aren't expecting a fight at ever moment of your life, then you're ready to get your ass kicked at least as many times as you're not ready. Hell if you're a real man, then your mother was helping you prepare for fights while you were still in the womb. Although since you build up a tolerance to alcohol this can lead to money issues, because it costs a lot to be drunk every moment of every day. Which leads us to rule #3

3. Make money by fighting. How do you do this? Simple, walk up to a stranger and ask them for money, when they refuse, punch them. Then you get to ask them for money again, if they again refuse you punch them twice as many times as the last time. Repeat as necessary. As a side note you should make sure your cardio is good because some people try and run after they decide not to pay for you hitting them. So you must be prepared to run after them.

4. Practice. Practice. Practice.

This should be all you need to know to start your exciting new past time/career/life style of pugilism. All else that I could teach can be learned just as easily by hands on application.

Magic Lessons From Lil Wayne

Welcome back, Grinders. Our discussion today discusses a certain Baby- Weezy F, to be exact. Even if we stopped stopped him, we couldn't stop him. Now, besides being clinically insane, Lil Weezy is a Martian, and a monster. Clearly, we have much to discuss.

all about a dollar, like four quarters
1) If its bullshit you want, its bullshit I'll share
Lil Wayne is the German Juggernaut of Rap. He has made a career of giving in better than anyone else. While Kai was playing the best deck, just better than anyone else, Weezy was steadfastly refusing to push the envelope and was creating the songs that sounded more like every other hit on the the radio, collectively, than any other single song.

Just give in.

2) Sick with it, six digits/ big engines, get lots of head like six midgets
From these erudite lyrics, we can discern several insightful points about our favorite drug abuser. First and foremost, he's sick with it. What does that mean, exactly? Is that bad meaning bad or bad meaning good? Or, is he hustling sideways- could that be bad meaning a bag of dicks in the eye? Lets dig deeper- his next phrase, six digits, is equally perplexing. Why does he seem to think he has six digits? Does he? With big engines, Wayne begins to explain the mystery. Clearly, he has big engines. Unfortunately, this presents another puzzle- does he have cars that have big engines, or does he himself have big engines? Is Lil Wayne a robot? He uses auto-tune so much, maybe that's become his real voice. The final line, get lots of head like six midgets, is the most straight forward line. This has no other interpretation possible but that he is a hydra.

For the grinder, these lessons are easy to apply. Besides telling us to just break down and play the best deck, which we always know we should and never do, we need to focus more on misrepresentation. First, be sick with it- just play the best deck better than the other guy. Then, represent six digits- play with your opponents' heads until they need a bucket, F. Karsten style. Also, don't forget your big engines and to get lots of head like six midgets. Here, Lil Wayne is kindly helping to spread his wisdom by letting us know we should aspire to be as he is- a robot hydra, obv. Probably firebreathing, too. Aspire for that one too, 'cause, well, mise.

3) Got a million duffled up, for the fuck of it
Here, Lil Wayne is lowering his guard and allowing a rare moment in which we are able to completely comprehend him. He got a million dollars put in a duffle bag, because whatev.s.
Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. Fuck it.

Sometimes, best deck or no best deck, you have to play something dumb. Whether that's a foiled out Scute Mob/ Gigantiform combo deck, Mono Red, Allies, or MXL3000, you have to do something the math says is subpar, because it needs to be done.*

4) Bitch watch me, bitch watch me, bitch watch me, bitch watch me!
Another example of Lil Wayne's considerable vocabulary, he again kicks knowledge to those less educated than himself. How kind. Lil Wayne wants you to watch him. Yes, you, bitch.

Watch your opponent, because you never know when they'll try to morph a Compulsive Research, put a card in from outside the game, or play six Arcbound Ravagers. Also, call them a bitch, because mise.

5) Now all my Blood's scream Soo Woo and Da Da Doo

I've got nothing on this. Wayne is just good old crazy.

6) If I had one guess, I'd guess I'm just New Orleans
Lil Wayne is fairly sure he's from New Orleans.

Rep your hometown, grinders. Bozeman Fieldpush from yesterday until forever ever (ever-ever, ever-ever, ever-ever) If the guy on the other side of the table doesn't want to flip said table, you are hustling backward.

There you have it, Mighty Fighty Grind City Point Stars- Magical lessons by way of Weezy F. Baby. Check back later, and we may have some more from Tupac's Witch-ass.

This is Harry Potter 4587, Signing off.



*There's no reason to play Mono Red. That was a typo. Ditto for Allies- just say no.

Beep Boop

I am still working on the promised

Maximum Tape

Beep Boop

Recently I've been down with the sickness, some kind of anti-hustle plague what was formulated in a terrorist lab somewhere in the gods forsaken desert. after drinking countless gallons of light emitting fluids i am back in the update saddle, and boy do we have some updates for you.

Saint Patrick's Day, a brief history.

Saint Patrick's Day or SPD, is a holiday to ironically celebrate a man named Patrick Saint.
Pat's legend is an astounding tale of  how the village idiot of a small Irish township caused the Great Snake Blight of Ireland. Being a drunken fool Patrick had no job and spent most of his days playing panpipes, on one fateful spring day Pat discovered that the snakes of the land would dance to his music and follow him about, his song attracted more and more snakes and this scared poor Pat. The sacred Patrick ran as fast as he could until he reached the very edge of Ireland, afraid that the snakes would overtake him Patrick marched into the ocean where the snakes all drowned. Now this was a sad day, for back in the day snakes were Ireland's chief export, and Pat's escapade doomed all of Ireland to be poor. Saint Patrick's Day is celebrated now by burning Patrick in effigy, and drinking to forget the day that Patrick killed all those poor dancing snakes.

Histor-izzle

Welcome back to class, suckers! Harry Pizzle's going to fill you in on another oft-mentioned tale of GrindCity shenanigans- don't be the only one in the room to not know.

This story starts with a barrel shaped GC affiliate, by the name of Josh. Some have described him as the worst good player in town, others have called him the best bad player, but everyone agrees that he is shaped like a barrel. Tell your friends. Whether he's at the top of the bottom or the bottom of the top, it is clear he misplays himself out of a game or two from time to time. Sometimes, it can be seen from a mile off that he is moving in that direction; our tale concerns one of these occasions. Josh was attempting to pilot The Blue Menace (Faeries) against I forget who. Like a fat person's legs, it doesn't matter. He had a Vendilion Clique in play. For the uneducated amongst you, the V. Clique gets its Legend Status on like DJ Jazzy Jeff's accomplice (think about it, discuss in the forums).
Also in the mix is Sexy Chubs. Sexy Chubs is watching from afar, with his sights on Josh, waiting to pull the trigger.
As the game goes on, Josh continues playing stuff, and Sexy keeps circling overhead, a hawk ready to strike.
The world turns, jam fills backpacks, and still Sexy watches.
An Age passes. Sexy waits...
Josh casts Vendilion Clique...
And finally, in that moment of weakness, SEXY CHUBS STRIKES!!!!
Sexy comes running across the room, shoving people out of his way as he rushes to the scene of the misplay. His terrible war cry was heard the magic playing world over, and yet turns the blood of experienced mages cold when they recall his chant of "LEGEND RULE!!!!!!!!11!!!1!!"
Josh had forgotten his Cliques were legendary, and had played a second one while the first was still in play, causing them both to die- but he hadn't realized it yet. He looked up, his face frozen in horror, and paused to try to figure out why Sexy was running at full speed towards him. (You'd freeze if you saw that too. I promise.)
"Legend Rule!!!" repeated Sexy Chubs as he continued maneuvering towards the game, frozen in place like a train behind Comic Book Guy. Arriving at the table, Sexy Chubs picked up the V. Clique in play and yanked the second one from Mr. Barrel's hand, and slapped them into the graveyard, laughing all the while.

Josh lost the game.

Love to continue filling you in, you Mighty Fighty folks you, but I'm afraid that's all for Harry Potter 7015 today- I have to get back to other deeds. After all, Ryan's sister isn't going to seduce herself.

A History Lesson

Hello and welcome, fellow Grinders!! Everyone knows, the MFGCPSs are a pretty tight-knit crew, and we have been laid back since the days of the eight track, and that's all well and good. For newer members, however, or anyone considering applying, trying to catch up on all the back history could be quite daunting. Therefore, Harry Pizzle is going to begin detailing adventures past, for the benefit of those who have forgotten or were never present to witness such shenanigans.

We begin our olde tyme storye in the days of yore, when players were bad, store owners hated their customers and let them know it frequently, and there was this guy called Dr. Teeth. Now, Dr. Teeth was a monster, in the best way possible. He was some special kind of badass. Dr. Teeth would take your lunch money, steal your woman, jack your ride, and leave you asking for a replay, because that's just how s to the ick he was. If you are unfamiliar, here is Dr Teeth in all his glory: http://www.cardshark.com/images_magic/31825.jpg
Dr Teeth didn't need many friends- mostly just counterspells and cool acronyms, because he tended to eat any other friends he had around. 'Sure, I could have a buddy, or I could have a MEAL! NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!' went his thought process, and who was to argue? So blue mages (this was back when blue mages existed, without being laughed at) who would enlist the good Dr's services would have no need to enlist the services of others- a victory was assured when two or three Drs got together, so the mages of the day would rarely ask for more.
* * *
Jeremy was a jerk. He would beat down the little kids without mercy, wouldn't pay back debts, and was arrogant to the point he'd make yours truly look like jam without a backpack. On this particular evening, he was being worse than usual and playing games against everyone with his new deck, featuring Dr Teeth front and center. He was not losing. Something had to be done.
* * *
As the evening wore on, Harry Pizzle 5784 watched, and waited. I knew eventually he would make a mistake. When he left his deck on the table while he went to the bathroom, I knew opportunity was knocking. I could feel the hand of fate upon my shoulder, guiding me forward, and I knew what I had to do. With lightning quick reflexes honed by hours of just sitting there, I grabbed his deck and removed the three good Dr.s from his el decko. He was now without a victory condition. lols.
* * *
When he returned, Jeremy continued to do battle, never suspecting his deck was short staffed. He would counter a bunch of spells, kill a bunch of dudes, and draw a bunch of cards, and then lose. For those of us watching, it was something quite similar to hilarious. Jeremy was continuing to talk smack the whole way though the game, and would finally lose the grizzly bears.dec, because he couldn't draw a way to make the other guy not be alive anymore. Everyone in the store was in on the joke, except him, and we were all laughing away. Good times.
* * *
It couldn't last. Eventually this other cool cat by the name of Jay S. (more on him later) entered the arena, and wanted to know what was crack-a-lackin'. When showed the Teeth in my hand, however, he pulled a regular HP-SS backstabbing scenario, and gave them back to Jeremy. Suddenly, J-Dawg understood why he had not been winning for the last hour. Hilarity ensued. Well, hilarity and HP 1259 being chased out of the store and around the parking lot, anyway.

Its harder to pull a good caper like that these days. Partly people are being forced to have more than three cards in their decks that win the game for them and part of it is that everyone does more pile shuffling now than they did back in the days I was just an apprentice mage. Mostly though, everyone just plain seems less trusting.
I hope you enjoyed this history lesson, Grinders. If you'd like to see more, just remember to mention to the Dutch Rudder that his sister is easy on the eyes, even if he does have dibs, and I'll get the message.



This is Harry Potter7861, signing off.
Don't forget to go to a college bar and beat up the smart kids.

this just in!

Vader was framed. Spread the word.

Whoa Nelly

Santa Clause has got BBQ sauce in his drawers.
More news at 11:00

SNAX xx MAD

My doublerad sister surprised me with a custom MAD sharpist for my birthday. if any of y'all want

to get me gifts there is a Wishlist
via my profile.

also, i'd like to recommended to my fellow bloggers to 

set up Wishlists.

Scrubbing out...backwards

Yo dawgs, yo, let me hollar at chu! Harry Pizzle is back on that ass with a mighty fighty fine tourney report for y'alls.

El BeginningO
The mystery begins on Friday morning, when we're scheduled to roll out. Big Willy is slated to pick up your boy, but when the knock comes, he pulled a fast one and was really Questionable Snax. Seemed they pulled a Houdini on me. We head out, and quickly assemble at El Casa del Willy. We waste no time high-tailing it out to Hastings, where we begin loitering as hard as we can. Maintaining a respectful distance from the local garden, where a king of dogs has taken up residence, we are pleasantly surprised by the arrival of dancing girls. Sometimes, the jam just puts itself in the backpack, I guess. After their unfortunate departure, we agree to upgrade Sandbag into the King of Dogs for the trip.

Finally, the Dutch Rudder arrives and we pile into the WobbleCar to pick up Sandbag. Our love for the King of Dogs was unrequited, so Sandbag will have to do. After scooping him up, we have to go to Snax's pad, as he forgot his bread. Never could he leave town without it, and never would we ask him to. That's not how fellow GrindCity-ers get down.

As we get out of B-Town, the WobbleCar drops its disguise and reveals itself. For those of us that have driven with the Jay S.s and the Josh M.s of the world before, this is a super upgrade. Sandbag and Dutch, however, are fazed at best. About this time it is agreed that shitting oneself is the man equivalent of womanish crying.

The First
Having mastered the WobbleCar, we are making good time Southwards. The scenery is flying past, the ridiculous mashups are playing, and all is well in the world. Then Dutch decides to kill us all. He claims to have seen some snow boobs that caught his attention, but none of the rest of us saw them, so we're pretty sure he's on crack. While distracted, he continues going straight while the road curves right, and we show the shoulder who's boss. The LEFT shoulder of the road, that is. Yeah.

The Store
As we're pulling into some village or other, we decide to stop and check the local store for treasure. Snax has the name, but not the location of this arena of battle, so he gives them a call to see what's what. They tell him to go towards the mountains, and he decides this is enough information, and hangs up. Snax 0, Not Snax 1. I give the dude a call myself, and he says the address is 42. We're on the 4000 block, and getting higher, so we have a ways to go. Upon arrival where 42 ought to be, we see nothing. Life, the Universe, and Everything my ass. Dutchy hollars back at the store, and this time dude says its 4200, so we get to turn around again. Awesome. We finally make it to the place to be, only to find out its anything but the place to be. Fail.

The Store, part two
We get directions to another store, hit it up, and the rapeage begins. Solid.

Casa
We eventually make it to Dutch's pad, where we stop, drop, shut 'em down and open up shop. Thats how GCers roll. We top the Albino Rhino's record of providing three beautiful garages, as we find there are FOUR beautiful garages waiting for us. Ding, Lightning Round! Also, he has a wicked hot sister. Make sure you mention that to him- he likes to hear about it.
Breakfast is provided, is awesome.

The tournament
Harry Pizzle does some winning, the rest of the crew drag down his team average. Unfortunate.

Oh, and somewhere in there Snax decides to kill us all too.

There you have it folks- another weekend, more shenanigans, and the Grind City Crew continues to jam jam in backpacks.

Harry Pizzle 7639, signing off.

Risking the Curse had best be worth It

I've doing some digging for my tupac article, and the more i dig the stranger things get.
i may have to get some backup from my fellow grinders, so this might take longer than originally planned.
we'll keep at this and get it posted as soon as possible.

hopefully all this witches brewpac doesn't BLOW MY MIND.

GCN "We Scrub out in style!"

Sorry for the mini-updates this weekend, we were too cool to setup our twitter right proper before the denver escapade,we have it in line now though. we have a few of our photos up on the flickr now, and there will be some things written to explain them. HP2099 hit top eight, and the rest of us were straight busters in a bad way.
plus i slam jammed ChillWill in round two taking a fellow MFGCP out of the running, i never thought that beating zoo would hurt so bad.

Tupac was a witch, article coming forthwith.

Let's All Go to the Mailbag

Dear Sensuous Sax,

I’m a big fan of the Grind City, and I grind hard, and I grind often, but I’ve been wondering for some time now, how I can too learn to be strait backpack jamming?

Sincerely,
Lost in Lithuania.

Well, Lost in Lithuania, that is great question indeed. Allow me to demonstrate how you too at home, can be strait backpack jamming like the rock stars at Grind City.



I hope this helped you to slow your roll Lithuania, and if you’re ever in the neighborhood of the grind city, stop by ol’ Sax’s place for some seriously sensual tunes.

We almost forgot my bread on the way out of b-town.

Look out, Canada!!

Canada, you have incoming!!

Earlier this evening, the beginnings of a dark and dirty deed were thought up, and this is to serve warning to our neighbors to the north- don't get cut, bitch!

The Beginning:
So Questionable Snax and I were straight pink bag thuggin' it over at the Rookination Station, and were discussing our upcoming PTQ wins in Denver and Boise. Thats only two though, and we'd feel bad for big willy if he didn't get one too- not bad for him that is, but bad for us. That man cries like a beyotch, and you haven't seen awkward until you make a man cry by dream crushing him and then made him drive you eight hours back to home base. So, we have to have a third. I brainstormed like a J2.0, and decided we'd have to head towards america's hat, Canada, for another PTQ I knew was somewhere in that area. Little did either of us realize what we had unleashed...

The Next Phase:
We knew we needed to have a way to identify ourselves, in case we needed to be dug out of a snowdrift or whatever (its Canada, the fuck do we know about the Mysterious Neighbor?) So, it was agreed we'd have to rep the hometown with some ballerific U.S.A. flags, all over us more than rollerskates on Josh. After this was decided, we thought- why not take it to the NEXT LEVEL?!?

The Next Level:
If we're already taking American flags with us and repin' the hometown, shouldn't we be passing flags out to the poor, confused canadians? After all, its not their fault. It was agreed we'd have to show up with some class, so we needed a monster truck obv. A monster truck with a bunch of full size american flags around the sides, and we'd roll up in the back, and toss the flags out as we jumped out. But there was a flaw...

But What If...?
The obvious flaw here, as we saw it, was they might not want the flags. They are evil heathens, after all. So, we needed a breakthrough- then we had it!! You know how most flags have a decorative point on the top of the pole? Well, ours wouldn't be decorative, if you know what I mean.

Putting It All Together:
So, we're going to go to the Canadian Wilds for a PTQ, in a monster truck, with a few dozen American flags around the bed in back with sharpened points, and when we arrive we'll stab them through the table and claim the unclaimed, unsettled and uncivilized land for amerrca.

Now, you know the plan. I'm sure your only question is: How can I get down? What can I do to help?
Well, we need a monster truck. Anyone kind enough to donate one to the plan will be allowed to put the design of their choice on the mudflaps. So long as it doesn't suck, that is.
For those of you questioning the wisdom of putting our plan out there, I can only say "You IDIOTS!! EVERYONE knows Canadians can't READ!!"

This is Harry Potter 4567, with Blood Moon Dan With The Blood Moon Plan, signing off.
Keep your ear to the grindstone.

Ye Olde Time Mixed Tape.

Dear Readers and Writers of our fine Blog-O-Zone, We here at the city of grind would like to branch out to the wonderful world of music awareness, and mixing the tapes up will be out first venture.
Being a community our first Mixtape will be entirely by the requests of all the folks that wish or dream to comment, so let's hear some suggestions.

Yours truly (Stax Master Snax) will personally mix the maxtape up using a state of the art Casio G-shock keyboard with optional blending accessory.

My God, it's full of Starrs'

It’s Friday once again, so you all know what that means: Grind City is hitting the streets with Sensual Sax at the helm. While I was working to put together this week’s pile of debauchery, I heard through the grapevine that none other than Baylor’s current president, Kenneth Starr has hit the streets as well in a grassroots campaign to promote his new Album: Kenneth Starr Country Superstarr.


Grind City loaned out the Shaggon Whagon and we hit the road in search of the man himself.





After 36 hours, 5 states, and 37 bean and cheese burritos later, we found Ken and quickly got the scoop on just what the American public can expect from Kenneth Starr Country Superstarr.

Ken, as someone who comes from a background in law, and real Red-blooded statesmanship, what brought about this transformation into the music industry?

I’m glad you asked me that Sax, I can call you Sax right? Sax, I have always been about the American people, for the American people, and of the American people. But these people don’t want to listen to me prattle on about boring testimonies, and mind-numbing litigation. They want to feel, they need music for their soul, and that’s what I believe they’re going to find when they pick up my album. I don’t think I could give them that had I not spend my entire life in the political circles. No Sax, I consider the first 63 years of my life to be a complete and utter waste. But I’ve learned from that mistake.

So we know your album is going to be getting to the real nitty-gritty of your existential crisis, but what can listener’s expect to hear?

Well, the album really runs the gamut, but expect to hear such classic’s as: Lewinsky’s Ring of Desire, The Clinton’s Went down to Whitewater, Vince’s in low Places, Blackwater Rising, Live Like You Were Lovitt, and plenty more Sax, it’s a beautiful album, absolutely beautiful. The ballads are sultry and sensual; in fact, they’re right up your alley.

I had a chance to listen to The Clinton’s Went down to Whitewater, and I have to say, I liked what I heard. The kazoo quartet really helped signify the poignancy of the track. Do you feel that inclusion of less mainstream instrumentals were key defining your own sound?

Oh most definitely. I mean, sure I could have tailored the sound to be just another McGraw, or Flatts, but then what would I really be saying? No, those sweet young boys are just corporate stooges sucking on Satan’s cock. I’m here to show America they don’t have to bow down in front of these little peckers and slather away over their albums.

I couldn’t help but notice the hat.

You like that do you? Well so do I. So much so I finished off the whole case. [Nudges].

Some say that one of the reasons country music never gets the same respect that rock&roll does is that country music stars never suffer the same fates. Do you feel that this turn in your life is going to affect the way you die as well?

Well, Sax, we could all be so lucky as to asphyxiate on our own vomit. But it’s just not in the cards. Most of your politicians, your pundits, they die from heart disease, and brain hemorrhages and just plain old age. As a country music superstarr, I’m hoping to push past those puny death knells and move up to your alcoholisms, and your tax evasions, and if I could be so lucky, to die from a broken heart. That’s every country musician’s dream. And I just know there’s some philly out there waiting to steal every penny I got and stomp my heart to the curb. I really believe that’s the American dream that I’m singing for.

Well, this has gone swimmingly Ken. I’d just like to close this out with one final question.

Fire away hoss.

Would you rather
A: Be peanut butter on white bread?
B: Peanut butter on wheat bread?
Or C: A Jew in Nazi Germany?

Well G, Sax, that’s a toughie. You better give me a couple weeks to squat over that humdinger of a pickle. You planning on making to the Tulsa Show Your Man How to Make Jam benefit concert?

Wouldn’t miss it for the world Ken.

Yea-haw. I’ll have you a bonafide answer to your brain-pickin’ conundrum then Sax. Thanks for stopping by, and here’s an autographed copy of the album for that big lug in the bear rug.



Well, Grinders, I hope this little chat we got to do with Ken excited you as much as it did me. You can find Kenneth Starr Country Superstarr at all your local retailers and street corner hustlers. This is Sensual Sax once again saying Grind Hard, Grind Often, Grind On, Grind Off.

The Day,V-Day 2K10

Today is a day to show your lady what she means to you, young padawan. I know that not all of you have the natural talent for seduction that we from grindcity have, so to help you chumps out with securing some trim this V-dizzle ol' snax has some tips to help you V-dazzle the ladies in your life into striping down and getting with the bizznass.

1. Really romance her, with the old Bearskin rug, Courvoisier and Fireplace combo.
2. Wash your body and face, then have her wash your body and face, then have her wash another girl's body.
3. Fill your pockets with cereal to give her a "special treat".
4. Assure her that she could someday be the only girl for you.
5. Do not spend more than three hours with each of your girls today. (one hour for dinner, two hours for "the sex") you don't want anyone to get all jealous today.
6. Make sure that your girls know that even today, your pimp hand is strong.
7. Have fun. AND BY FUN I MEAN DRINK CHAMPAGNE OFF SOME TRICK'S BODY!

I even have a little advice for you sad suckas without a stable,
find a spot with plenty of beautiful girls (gym, dog park, campus, whatev),
just chill there for a while, find a good spot blaze up a spliff, and when you see a girl you like just reach out and grab her. slap her, shake her, and tell her that "it's valentine's day, and you're mine now." it's just that easy.

~Snax

Welcome to America!!

Don't forget to keep your pimp hands strong, fellow Backpack Jammers.

Hammer Time

What is up my Jazz Fans. After last week’s Outrageous week shenanigans I was honestly afraid I was going to be unable to top that. And then I did.

So this little riff all started last Friday when I was fried out of my gourd trying to come up with a blog before the 2-hour deadline was up—-when suddenly my bookshelf came crashing down on my head. Luh-ame. Long story short, I gave Questionable Snax a ring since my handyman skills couldn’t even bust up a wannabe-pussy-eatin-prankster. The two of grabbed some questionable snacks and took a spiritual quest down to the local hardware store, where, we, interrupted an orgy.

It was Ca-raze-Ee. I can still see them. You can still see them.





At the gym, in my coffee, when I dream. It’s downright frightening. There’s a lesson to be learned here. When you have a column frighteningly approaching its deadline, DON’T GO TO THE FUCKING HARDWARE STORE. Or you will die.

Join us next week as we prepare Harry Potter 66.6 for hands-free base-jumping.

Ninja Pizza: A Defense

On Saturday, loyal readers may have noticed some clown-ass or other (questionable snax) attacking me (Harry Potter 5778) for "not giving up the pizza." Obviously, a defense of my actions is required, lest others see the post and, mistaking lies for truth and slander for fact, believe I was out of line. Let me first say, I understand the pizza rules. If I have pizza and my buddy doesn't, and my buddy is all up in my grill asking "I can haz pizza?", I will throw said buddy a slice of said pizza. All the time, everytime. That said, in this case, the pizza was all gone by the time said said buddy asked for said slice of said said pizza, so there was nothing I could do. I am sorry to have caused a visit to "fucking frown town," but my hands were tied.

Harry Potter 7231, signing off.


P.S. Its my pizza. Deal with it, you human paraquat!

Weyrwolf bytes, or My two Weyrwolf Wives.

Young Beau Rodfyre was uprooted from his east cost city life and moved to Leigh Oregon by his parents.
with no friends on his first day of school he gets paired up in chem lab with Synthia Shadow the class geek, lacking the supplies for their first project together the go to they supply closet. clumsily Synthia trips and falls into Beau's arms knocking him over and leaving them both in the closet together, the door closes behind them locking them in. because Beau was not supposed to arrive at school until the next day and nobody noticed Synthia missing from class they end up trapped in the closet all night, after a few hours Synthia says that she doesn't think that anyone will come save them.
unable to escape the pair decide that their best bet is to wait for the school janitor to discover them in the morning, being trapped in the closet for some time Beau and Synthia have plenty of time to talk and get to know one another, Synthia trusts Beau with the secret that she has never kissed a boy before, and Beau offers to be her first. the two passionately kiss and Synthia bites Beau's tongue. Just then the janitor opens the door, Synthia looking shocked pushes past him and runs off.
the next day Beau can't find Synthia anywhere.
At lunch Beau meets his new best friend Deuce, and through him a whole group of new friends who invite him to a party that night.
Beau asks Deuce if he had seen Synthia anywhere that day, Deuce tells Beau that sometimes she just doesn't show up to school, and to stay away from her because that is just one of the things that makes her a freak.

At the party Beau meets up with his new friends who tell Beau to go get drinks, on his way into the kitchen he gets drafted into a kissing contest  by a beautiful girl, in the third round of the contest Beau finaly gets to kiss the beautiful girl that grabbed him gets his tongue bitten again tongue bitten again. after the contest Beau can't find the girl and asks his friends about her, they tell him that she is Rosalie Sky the head cheerleader at LHS.

On his way home Beau is stopped my a crazy old gypsy who warns him of the full moon, and gives him an ancient book. when Beau get home he tosses the book on his desk, it slides gracefully off and falls open on the floor. picking up the book Beau reads a little, very little because all he had to read was "weyrwolf marrage" and see the diagram of tongue biting.

Now Beau is a double weyrwolf, trying to keep his friends from  finding out about his secret and his two weyrwives that he needs to keep from finding out about each other, and just trying to get through highschool.

Ninja Pizza

Harry potter 2099 totally won't give up the pizza. fucking frowntown.

Holy Shit

It's Outragous week here at Grind City, and we are ready to pop off. Just the other week, fellow Co-editor Harry Potter 3031, found himself sitting down with Big Daddy Kane.



Daddy has got himself some serious fetish action going on. He took Harry Potter 3031 down to his warf-side Bungalow where Potter 3031 found the surpirse of his life. Nicholas Cage Look-alikes lined up on the beach ready for inspection. There were man-boobs are far as the eye can see. Potter took to it white on rice, "Hand me the baby oil Daddy, we've got work to do."

It was off the hook. From what Potter 3031 tells me, they spent the entire afternoon oiling down backs and soaking up some of that delicous south-Jersey sun. All I can say is--Where the hell was my invitation!? Lost in the mail i'd guess. This is Sensual Sax Signing off, saying, keep watching the skies.

First post.

I must find a much needed photograph of a backpack jammed full of jam, the internet cannot seem to provide me with one and i think that this blog won't go anywhere until we get one.

also looking at the worldwake spoiler for the pre-release today i misread wolfbrair elemental as wolfbear elemental, it seemed a lot better.