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Pugilism

The ancient art of ass kicking. An art that can only be mastered by those of us with the balls of metal, or diamond for those who are truly hard core. Or as a great man once said, “Umph,” after I pugilised his face off.

Now not all people are as gifted as I in the ancient art. So here is a basic guide of how to ass kick, and void an ass kicking.

Punching some one in the balls is OK, if it hurts them they were weak and deserve it for not being strong, if it doesn't then you're in for an even fight, because his balls are as hard as yours. If you happen to run into a brawling lady, then feel free to use the female version of said tactic which is the cunt punt.
If you aren't drunk then you're obviously not as prepared as you should be. My rule of thumb is that if you aren't expecting a fight at ever moment of your life, then you're ready to get your ass kicked at least as many times as you're not ready. Hell if you're a real man, then your mother was helping you prepare for fights while you were still in the womb. Although since you build up a tolerance to alcohol this can lead to money issues, because it costs a lot to be drunk every moment of every day. Which leads us to rule #3
Make money by fighting. How do you do this? Simple, walk up to a stranger and ask them for money, when they refuse, punch them. Then you get to ask them for money again, if they again refuse you punch them twice as many times as the last time. Repeat as necessary. As a side note you should make sure your cardio is good because some people try and run after they decide not to pay for you hitting them. So you must be prepared to run after them.
Practice. Practice. Practice.

This should be all you need to know to start your exciting new past time/career/life style of pugilism. All else that I could teach can be learned just as easily by hands on application.