Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Let's All Go to the Mailbag
Dear Sensuous Sax,
I’m a big fan of the Grind City, and I grind hard, and I grind often, but I’ve been wondering for some time now, how I can too learn to be strait backpack jamming?
Sincerely,
Lost in Lithuania.
Well, Lost in Lithuania, that is great question indeed. Allow me to demonstrate how you too at home, can be strait backpack jamming like the rock stars at Grind City.
I hope this helped you to slow your roll Lithuania, and if you’re ever in the neighborhood of the grind city, stop by ol’ Sax’s place for some seriously sensual tunes.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Look out, Canada!!
Canada, you have incoming!!
Earlier this evening, the beginnings of a dark and dirty deed were thought up, and this is to serve warning to our neighbors to the north- don't get cut, bitch!
The Beginning:
So Questionable Snax and I were straight pink bag thuggin' it over at the Rookination Station, and were discussing our upcoming PTQ wins in Denver and Boise. Thats only two though, and we'd feel bad for big willy if he didn't get one too- not bad for him that is, but bad for us. That man cries like a beyotch, and you haven't seen awkward until you make a man cry by dream crushing him and then made him drive you eight hours back to home base. So, we have to have a third. I brainstormed like a J2.0, and decided we'd have to head towards america's hat, Canada, for another PTQ I knew was somewhere in that area. Little did either of us realize what we had unleashed...
The Next Phase:
We knew we needed to have a way to identify ourselves, in case we needed to be dug out of a snowdrift or whatever (its Canada, the fuck do we know about the Mysterious Neighbor?) So, it was agreed we'd have to rep the hometown with some ballerific U.S.A. flags, all over us more than rollerskates on Josh. After this was decided, we thought- why not take it to the NEXT LEVEL?!?
The Next Level:
If we're already taking American flags with us and repin' the hometown, shouldn't we be passing flags out to the poor, confused canadians? After all, its not their fault. It was agreed we'd have to show up with some class, so we needed a monster truck obv. A monster truck with a bunch of full size american flags around the sides, and we'd roll up in the back, and toss the flags out as we jumped out. But there was a flaw...
But What If...?
The obvious flaw here, as we saw it, was they might not want the flags. They are evil heathens, after all. So, we needed a breakthrough- then we had it!! You know how most flags have a decorative point on the top of the pole? Well, ours wouldn't be decorative, if you know what I mean.
Putting It All Together:
So, we're going to go to the Canadian Wilds for a PTQ, in a monster truck, with a few dozen American flags around the bed in back with sharpened points, and when we arrive we'll stab them through the table and claim the unclaimed, unsettled and uncivilized land for amerrca.
Now, you know the plan. I'm sure your only question is: How can I get down? What can I do to help?
Well, we need a monster truck. Anyone kind enough to donate one to the plan will be allowed to put the design of their choice on the mudflaps. So long as it doesn't suck, that is.
For those of you questioning the wisdom of putting our plan out there, I can only say "You IDIOTS!! EVERYONE knows Canadians can't READ!!"
This is Harry Potter 4567, with Blood Moon Dan With The Blood Moon Plan, signing off.
Keep your ear to the grindstone.
Earlier this evening, the beginnings of a dark and dirty deed were thought up, and this is to serve warning to our neighbors to the north- don't get cut, bitch!
The Beginning:
So Questionable Snax and I were straight pink bag thuggin' it over at the Rookination Station, and were discussing our upcoming PTQ wins in Denver and Boise. Thats only two though, and we'd feel bad for big willy if he didn't get one too- not bad for him that is, but bad for us. That man cries like a beyotch, and you haven't seen awkward until you make a man cry by dream crushing him and then made him drive you eight hours back to home base. So, we have to have a third. I brainstormed like a J2.0, and decided we'd have to head towards america's hat, Canada, for another PTQ I knew was somewhere in that area. Little did either of us realize what we had unleashed...
The Next Phase:
We knew we needed to have a way to identify ourselves, in case we needed to be dug out of a snowdrift or whatever (its Canada, the fuck do we know about the Mysterious Neighbor?) So, it was agreed we'd have to rep the hometown with some ballerific U.S.A. flags, all over us more than rollerskates on Josh. After this was decided, we thought- why not take it to the NEXT LEVEL?!?
The Next Level:
If we're already taking American flags with us and repin' the hometown, shouldn't we be passing flags out to the poor, confused canadians? After all, its not their fault. It was agreed we'd have to show up with some class, so we needed a monster truck obv. A monster truck with a bunch of full size american flags around the sides, and we'd roll up in the back, and toss the flags out as we jumped out. But there was a flaw...
But What If...?
The obvious flaw here, as we saw it, was they might not want the flags. They are evil heathens, after all. So, we needed a breakthrough- then we had it!! You know how most flags have a decorative point on the top of the pole? Well, ours wouldn't be decorative, if you know what I mean.
Putting It All Together:
So, we're going to go to the Canadian Wilds for a PTQ, in a monster truck, with a few dozen American flags around the bed in back with sharpened points, and when we arrive we'll stab them through the table and claim the unclaimed, unsettled and uncivilized land for amerrca.
Now, you know the plan. I'm sure your only question is: How can I get down? What can I do to help?
Well, we need a monster truck. Anyone kind enough to donate one to the plan will be allowed to put the design of their choice on the mudflaps. So long as it doesn't suck, that is.
For those of you questioning the wisdom of putting our plan out there, I can only say "You IDIOTS!! EVERYONE knows Canadians can't READ!!"
This is Harry Potter 4567, with Blood Moon Dan With The Blood Moon Plan, signing off.
Keep your ear to the grindstone.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Ye Olde Time Mixed Tape.
Dear Readers and Writers of our fine Blog-O-Zone, We here at the city of grind would like to branch out to the wonderful world of music awareness, and mixing the tapes up will be out first venture.
Being a community our first Mixtape will be entirely by the requests of all the folks that wish or dream to comment, so let's hear some suggestions.
Yours truly (Stax Master Snax) will personally mix the maxtape up using a state of the art Casio G-shock keyboard with optional blending accessory.
Being a community our first Mixtape will be entirely by the requests of all the folks that wish or dream to comment, so let's hear some suggestions.
Yours truly (Stax Master Snax) will personally mix the maxtape up using a state of the art Casio G-shock keyboard with optional blending accessory.
Friday, February 19, 2010
My God, it's full of Starrs'
It’s Friday once again, so you all know what that means: Grind City is hitting the streets with Sensual Sax at the helm. While I was working to put together this week’s pile of debauchery, I heard through the grapevine that none other than Baylor’s current president, Kenneth Starr has hit the streets as well in a grassroots campaign to promote his new Album: Kenneth Starr Country Superstarr.
Grind City loaned out the Shaggon Whagon and we hit the road in search of the man himself.
After 36 hours, 5 states, and 37 bean and cheese burritos later, we found Ken and quickly got the scoop on just what the American public can expect from Kenneth Starr Country Superstarr.
I’m glad you asked me that Sax, I can call you Sax right? Sax, I have always been about the American people, for the American people, and of the American people. But these people don’t want to listen to me prattle on about boring testimonies, and mind-numbing litigation. They want to feel, they need music for their soul, and that’s what I believe they’re going to find when they pick up my album. I don’t think I could give them that had I not spend my entire life in the political circles. No Sax, I consider the first 63 years of my life to be a complete and utter waste. But I’ve learned from that mistake.
Well, the album really runs the gamut, but expect to hear such classic’s as: Lewinsky’s Ring of Desire, The Clinton’s Went down to Whitewater, Vince’s in low Places, Blackwater Rising, Live Like You Were Lovitt, and plenty more Sax, it’s a beautiful album, absolutely beautiful. The ballads are sultry and sensual; in fact, they’re right up your alley.
Oh most definitely. I mean, sure I could have tailored the sound to be just another McGraw, or Flatts, but then what would I really be saying? No, those sweet young boys are just corporate stooges sucking on Satan’s cock. I’m here to show America they don’t have to bow down in front of these little peckers and slather away over their albums.
You like that do you? Well so do I. So much so I finished off the whole case. [Nudges].
Well, Sax, we could all be so lucky as to asphyxiate on our own vomit. But it’s just not in the cards. Most of your politicians, your pundits, they die from heart disease, and brain hemorrhages and just plain old age. As a country music superstarr, I’m hoping to push past those puny death knells and move up to your alcoholisms, and your tax evasions, and if I could be so lucky, to die from a broken heart. That’s every country musician’s dream. And I just know there’s some philly out there waiting to steal every penny I got and stomp my heart to the curb. I really believe that’s the American dream that I’m singing for.
Fire away hoss.
Well G, Sax, that’s a toughie. You better give me a couple weeks to squat over that humdinger of a pickle. You planning on making to the Tulsa Show Your Man How to Make Jam benefit concert?
Yea-haw. I’ll have you a bonafide answer to your brain-pickin’ conundrum then Sax. Thanks for stopping by, and here’s an autographed copy of the album for that big lug in the bear rug.
Well, Grinders, I hope this little chat we got to do with Ken excited you as much as it did me. You can find Kenneth Starr Country Superstarr at all your local retailers and street corner hustlers. This is Sensual Sax once again saying Grind Hard, Grind Often, Grind On, Grind Off.
Grind City loaned out the Shaggon Whagon and we hit the road in search of the man himself.
After 36 hours, 5 states, and 37 bean and cheese burritos later, we found Ken and quickly got the scoop on just what the American public can expect from Kenneth Starr Country Superstarr.
Ken, as someone who comes from a background in law, and real Red-blooded statesmanship, what brought about this transformation into the music industry?
I’m glad you asked me that Sax, I can call you Sax right? Sax, I have always been about the American people, for the American people, and of the American people. But these people don’t want to listen to me prattle on about boring testimonies, and mind-numbing litigation. They want to feel, they need music for their soul, and that’s what I believe they’re going to find when they pick up my album. I don’t think I could give them that had I not spend my entire life in the political circles. No Sax, I consider the first 63 years of my life to be a complete and utter waste. But I’ve learned from that mistake.
So we know your album is going to be getting to the real nitty-gritty of your existential crisis, but what can listener’s expect to hear?
Well, the album really runs the gamut, but expect to hear such classic’s as: Lewinsky’s Ring of Desire, The Clinton’s Went down to Whitewater, Vince’s in low Places, Blackwater Rising, Live Like You Were Lovitt, and plenty more Sax, it’s a beautiful album, absolutely beautiful. The ballads are sultry and sensual; in fact, they’re right up your alley.
I had a chance to listen to The Clinton’s Went down to Whitewater, and I have to say, I liked what I heard. The kazoo quartet really helped signify the poignancy of the track. Do you feel that inclusion of less mainstream instrumentals were key defining your own sound?
Oh most definitely. I mean, sure I could have tailored the sound to be just another McGraw, or Flatts, but then what would I really be saying? No, those sweet young boys are just corporate stooges sucking on Satan’s cock. I’m here to show America they don’t have to bow down in front of these little peckers and slather away over their albums.
I couldn’t help but notice the hat.
You like that do you? Well so do I. So much so I finished off the whole case. [Nudges].
Some say that one of the reasons country music never gets the same respect that rock&roll does is that country music stars never suffer the same fates. Do you feel that this turn in your life is going to affect the way you die as well?
Well, Sax, we could all be so lucky as to asphyxiate on our own vomit. But it’s just not in the cards. Most of your politicians, your pundits, they die from heart disease, and brain hemorrhages and just plain old age. As a country music superstarr, I’m hoping to push past those puny death knells and move up to your alcoholisms, and your tax evasions, and if I could be so lucky, to die from a broken heart. That’s every country musician’s dream. And I just know there’s some philly out there waiting to steal every penny I got and stomp my heart to the curb. I really believe that’s the American dream that I’m singing for.
Well, this has gone swimmingly Ken. I’d just like to close this out with one final question.
Fire away hoss.
Would you rather
A: Be peanut butter on white bread?
B: Peanut butter on wheat bread?
Or C: A Jew in Nazi Germany?
Well G, Sax, that’s a toughie. You better give me a couple weeks to squat over that humdinger of a pickle. You planning on making to the Tulsa Show Your Man How to Make Jam benefit concert?
Wouldn’t miss it for the world Ken.
Yea-haw. I’ll have you a bonafide answer to your brain-pickin’ conundrum then Sax. Thanks for stopping by, and here’s an autographed copy of the album for that big lug in the bear rug.
Well, Grinders, I hope this little chat we got to do with Ken excited you as much as it did me. You can find Kenneth Starr Country Superstarr at all your local retailers and street corner hustlers. This is Sensual Sax once again saying Grind Hard, Grind Often, Grind On, Grind Off.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The Day,V-Day 2K10
Today is a day to show your lady what she means to you, young padawan. I know that not all of you have the natural talent for seduction that we from grindcity have, so to help you chumps out with securing some trim this V-dizzle ol' snax has some tips to help you V-dazzle the ladies in your life into striping down and getting with the bizznass.
I even have a little advice for you sad suckas without a stable,
find a spot with plenty of beautiful girls (gym, dog park, campus, whatev),
just chill there for a while, find a good spot blaze up a spliff, and when you see a girl you like just reach out and grab her. slap her, shake her, and tell her that "it's valentine's day, and you're mine now." it's just that easy.
~Snax
- Really romance her, with the old Bearskin rug, Courvoisier and Fireplace combo.
- Wash your body and face, then have her wash your body and face, then have her wash another girl's body.
- Fill your pockets with cereal to give her a "special treat".
- Assure her that she could someday be the only girl for you.
- Do not spend more than three hours with each of your girls today. (one hour for dinner, two hours for "the sex") you don't want anyone to get all jealous today.
- Make sure that your girls know that even today, your pimp hand is strong.
- Have fun. AND BY FUN I MEAN DRINK CHAMPAGNE OFF SOME TRICK'S BODY!
I even have a little advice for you sad suckas without a stable,
find a spot with plenty of beautiful girls (gym, dog park, campus, whatev),
just chill there for a while, find a good spot blaze up a spliff, and when you see a girl you like just reach out and grab her. slap her, shake her, and tell her that "it's valentine's day, and you're mine now." it's just that easy.
~Snax
Friday, February 12, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Hammer Time
What is up my Jazz Fans. After last week’s Outrageous week shenanigans I was honestly afraid I was going to be unable to top that. And then I did.
So this little riff all started last Friday when I was fried out of my gourd trying to come up with a blog before the 2-hour deadline was up—-when suddenly my bookshelf came crashing down on my head. Luh-ame. Long story short, I gave Questionable Snax a ring since my handyman skills couldn’t even bust up a wannabe-pussy-eatin-prankster. The two of grabbed some questionable snacks and took a spiritual quest down to the local hardware store, where, we, interrupted an orgy.
It was Ca-raze-Ee. I can still see them. You can still see them.
At the gym, in my coffee, when I dream. It’s downright frightening. There’s a lesson to be learned here. When you have a column frighteningly approaching its deadline, DON’T GO TO THE FUCKING HARDWARE STORE. Or you will die.
Join us next week as we prepare Harry Potter 66.6 for hands-free base-jumping.
So this little riff all started last Friday when I was fried out of my gourd trying to come up with a blog before the 2-hour deadline was up—-when suddenly my bookshelf came crashing down on my head. Luh-ame. Long story short, I gave Questionable Snax a ring since my handyman skills couldn’t even bust up a wannabe-pussy-eatin-prankster. The two of grabbed some questionable snacks and took a spiritual quest down to the local hardware store, where, we, interrupted an orgy.
It was Ca-raze-Ee. I can still see them. You can still see them.
At the gym, in my coffee, when I dream. It’s downright frightening. There’s a lesson to be learned here. When you have a column frighteningly approaching its deadline, DON’T GO TO THE FUCKING HARDWARE STORE. Or you will die.
Join us next week as we prepare Harry Potter 66.6 for hands-free base-jumping.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Ninja Pizza: A Defense
On Saturday, loyal readers may have noticed some clown-ass or other (questionable snax) attacking me (Harry Potter 5778) for "not giving up the pizza." Obviously, a defense of my actions is required, lest others see the post and, mistaking lies for truth and slander for fact, believe I was out of line. Let me first say, I understand the pizza rules. If I have pizza and my buddy doesn't, and my buddy is all up in my grill asking "I can haz pizza?", I will throw said buddy a slice of said pizza. All the time, everytime. That said, in this case, the pizza was all gone by the time said said buddy asked for said slice of said said pizza, so there was nothing I could do. I am sorry to have caused a visit to "fucking frown town," but my hands were tied.
Harry Potter 7231, signing off.
P.S. Its my pizza. Deal with it, you human paraquat!
Harry Potter 7231, signing off.
P.S. Its my pizza. Deal with it, you human paraquat!
Weyrwolf bytes, or My two Weyrwolf Wives.
Young Beau Rodfyre was uprooted from his east cost city life and moved to Leigh Oregon by his parents.
with no friends on his first day of school he gets paired up in chem lab with Synthia Shadow the class geek, lacking the supplies for their first project together the go to they supply closet. clumsily Synthia trips and falls into Beau's arms knocking him over and leaving them both in the closet together, the door closes behind them locking them in. because Beau was not supposed to arrive at school until the next day and nobody noticed Synthia missing from class they end up trapped in the closet all night, after a few hours Synthia says that she doesn't think that anyone will come save them.
unable to escape the pair decide that their best bet is to wait for the school janitor to discover them in the morning, being trapped in the closet for some time Beau and Synthia have plenty of time to talk and get to know one another, Synthia trusts Beau with the secret that she has never kissed a boy before, and Beau offers to be her first. the two passionately kiss and Synthia bites Beau's tongue. Just then the janitor opens the door, Synthia looking shocked pushes past him and runs off.
the next day Beau can't find Synthia anywhere.
At lunch Beau meets his new best friend Deuce, and through him a whole group of new friends who invite him to a party that night.
Beau asks Deuce if he had seen Synthia anywhere that day, Deuce tells Beau that sometimes she just doesn't show up to school, and to stay away from her because that is just one of the things that makes her a freak.
At the party Beau meets up with his new friends who tell Beau to go get drinks, on his way into the kitchen he gets drafted into a kissing contest by a beautiful girl, in the third round of the contest Beau finaly gets to kiss the beautiful girl that grabbed him gets his tongue bitten again tongue bitten again. after the contest Beau can't find the girl and asks his friends about her, they tell him that she is Rosalie Sky the head cheerleader at LHS.
On his way home Beau is stopped my a crazy old gypsy who warns him of the full moon, and gives him an ancient book. when Beau get home he tosses the book on his desk, it slides gracefully off and falls open on the floor. picking up the book Beau reads a little, very little because all he had to read was "weyrwolf marrage" and see the diagram of tongue biting.
Now Beau is a double weyrwolf, trying to keep his friends from finding out about his secret and his two weyrwives that he needs to keep from finding out about each other, and just trying to get through highschool.
with no friends on his first day of school he gets paired up in chem lab with Synthia Shadow the class geek, lacking the supplies for their first project together the go to they supply closet. clumsily Synthia trips and falls into Beau's arms knocking him over and leaving them both in the closet together, the door closes behind them locking them in. because Beau was not supposed to arrive at school until the next day and nobody noticed Synthia missing from class they end up trapped in the closet all night, after a few hours Synthia says that she doesn't think that anyone will come save them.
unable to escape the pair decide that their best bet is to wait for the school janitor to discover them in the morning, being trapped in the closet for some time Beau and Synthia have plenty of time to talk and get to know one another, Synthia trusts Beau with the secret that she has never kissed a boy before, and Beau offers to be her first. the two passionately kiss and Synthia bites Beau's tongue. Just then the janitor opens the door, Synthia looking shocked pushes past him and runs off.
the next day Beau can't find Synthia anywhere.
At lunch Beau meets his new best friend Deuce, and through him a whole group of new friends who invite him to a party that night.
Beau asks Deuce if he had seen Synthia anywhere that day, Deuce tells Beau that sometimes she just doesn't show up to school, and to stay away from her because that is just one of the things that makes her a freak.
At the party Beau meets up with his new friends who tell Beau to go get drinks, on his way into the kitchen he gets drafted into a kissing contest by a beautiful girl, in the third round of the contest Beau finaly gets to kiss the beautiful girl that grabbed him gets his tongue bitten again tongue bitten again. after the contest Beau can't find the girl and asks his friends about her, they tell him that she is Rosalie Sky the head cheerleader at LHS.
On his way home Beau is stopped my a crazy old gypsy who warns him of the full moon, and gives him an ancient book. when Beau get home he tosses the book on his desk, it slides gracefully off and falls open on the floor. picking up the book Beau reads a little, very little because all he had to read was "weyrwolf marrage" and see the diagram of tongue biting.
Now Beau is a double weyrwolf, trying to keep his friends from finding out about his secret and his two weyrwives that he needs to keep from finding out about each other, and just trying to get through highschool.
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